Christopher Bao

Christopher Mango Bao is also known as the saltiest person in any friend group. With loving nicknames such as "bitch", "mango", "chrisTOPHer", and "male Julie", Chris pulls all the hoes.

He is known to ghost you in one chat but simultaneously be spamming another so you know he saw your text and that he is just ignoring you

In becoming the smartest person in the room, he became the biggest dumbass in the room. This is the law of equivalent exchange.

Is pro-abortion, but not for the reasons you would expect.

"Budget Confucious"

Fashion Sense
Chris is known for his abysmal fashion sense that consist of yellow, gray, and navy t-shirts and that one god-awful tracksuit that should never see the light of day again.

The only good part of his wardrobe is the green crewneck that he owns, although he never actually wears it.

All of his pants are either too short or too long.

It is widely known that if Mango managed to get better fashion sense he would be pulling more hoes than Andre and Davita COMBINED.

Somehow managed to entirely sexually intimidate Marco throughout all of middle school. Scientists say they are "not surprised"

Notable Achievements
Salty Mango is a leader of like literally every club in all of PHS.

He does: debate, fencing, 3D printing club, and way more but I'm honestly just too lazy to keep writing them.

Just think of a club or of an award and Chris Overachiever Bao has already won it.

He's a CeNtRiSt 🤢

Singlehandedly convinced the school to spend 80 grand replacing the wall mats of the gym.

Has "luscious hair" - a claim by Davita. <-- An official dispute has been filed over said claim on the terms of "Chris is balder than the Amazon rainforests will be in 20 years"

Quotes
"ExCuSe Me, BuT yOu MiSpRoNoUnCeD tHe NaMe Of My CoUnTrY" - Chris being called on to speak in Model UN.

"If I could trade my brains for looks I would sleep my way to the top in a second"

"wrone u dumb shit"

"goose. I'm exotic"

"the plot thickens like a bowl of oatmeal"

"she's the brainless airhead. kinda brainles. but not really" - Chris about Davita (although he will deny it but I have proof)

"if I have to debate Nivan I will cry"

"grades r my obgyn" - no one knows what this means

"i cant understand texts that aren't 99.9% correct mbad" - Chris trying to prove he is right. <-- Bitch was quoting the 0.1%